We moved into our new studio space just over two weeks ago. Have you been in yet? We’ve been busy; there has been unpacking, cleaning, rearranging, promoting, teaching new classes, preparing for our grand opening (on Friday, Nov 24th – you should come!), and getting ready for the holiday season.
So I haven’t written a blog post in a while.
But you know what? All those things above are excuses… To be honest, I also just haven’t felt like writing. I haven’t felt like there was anything for me to say, so why bother filling the internet with more blabber?
I kept writing on my To Do list: “Write Blog Post,” and then I would push it over onto the next week’s list (and repeat, and repeat). It was starting to weigh heavy on me; I started feeling guilty for not writing; I felt like I needed to write something like “I’m sorry I haven’t written in a while…” and then I stopped myself.
Why do I feel this way? Why do I feel the need to apologize for something I most definitely don’t need to apologize for? Where else in my life am I doing this?
So, this feeling led me to where I am now: writing about not writing (whaaa?!). But more specifically, writing about not apologizing.
Now, don’t get me wrong, there are times when we really should be saying sorry, and when a truly meaningful “sorry” can make all the difference. But like the Boy Who Cried Wolf, if we’re apologizing for every silly thing, then our big, necessary sorrys won’t count for much.
As a practice of Self-Study, I challenge you to be mindful of all the times in your day that you say sorry or feel guilty for something that is minor and really not necessary.
Are you with me? Are you willing to stop feeling guilty and apologizing? Here are a few things that I’m going to commit to stopping apologizing for; maybe they’ll resonate with you too:
Dude, sometimes I just want to sprawl on the couch with a glass of wine and watch bad television. I shouldn’t have to feel guilty about that. We apologize and make up elaborate excuses for turning down an invitation. A simple “No thank you, I hope you have a lovely time” is enough.
We apologize for being underdressed, overdressed, mismatched, or anything in between. If you like it and you’re comfortable in it, don’t apologize for it.
Your free time is Your. Free. Time. If you spend it running around, attending this and that, and basically burning yourself out, you’ve lost your free time, and you’ve lost the energy to show up fully in all areas of your life. If you want free time, like real free time, or if you crave 8 whole hours of sleep, a proper lunch break, a weekend off, or at least 24 hours away from your email, you are going to have to say no without an apology. Practice on the little things and work your way up; it’s worth it.
Being curious and considering new ideas and ways to create, thrive, love, and live is amazing and fulfilling as a human being. When people reject your ideas and make you feel like apologizing, remember that it’s not about you. They may feel threatened and afraid that if you change, you may then think differently about them. Maybe they’re afraid of change and want you to be afraid too. Be gentle, authentic and inspiring, instead of apologetic.
Apologize for being you, are we kidding here? Why? How silly we humans are. In a society that conforms and forces ourselves to fit in, we desperately need to you to be unapologetically you. Okay? Thanks.
Changing your mind
Sticking with something that’s not working, just for the sake of sticking to it serves no one. Things change outside and inside… The only constant and thing we can expect in life is change. When we hold on to something just so we can be right or because we are afraid to change course, we compromise the opportunity to learn and grow. Be okay with changing your mind, and don’t apologize for it.
Putting your health first
Going to bed early, eating healthy, exercising, whatever! Sometimes our healthy choices are intimidating to people who can’t seem to make their own healthy choices, and they try to (subconsciously or consciously) derail us. When you put your health first, you can show up fully and connect with life from a place you just can’t access when you are rundown, sick or tired. Good health is nothing to apologize for.
Taking longer than a few seconds to respond
Emails, text messages, social media comments, phone calls, the list goes on and on. How many of your interactions start with “sorry for taking so long to get back to you” even though it’s been less than a day? Yeesh, let’s slow down people! Sometimes it’s not the right time – you’re busy and responding at that moment would mean that you’re not fully present to the conversation, or you need some time to formulate your best response… waiting is a good thing! Don’t apologize for thinking things through and responding with presence.
We don’t know about you, but we’re going to be watching our apologies and feelings of guilt. You can still be kind and loving without being sorry.